and the propensity for humans to destroy forest ecosystems gives a high probability (>90%) that global civilisation is very likely to suffer a catastrophic collapse in future (within a few decades).
🌳 The Holy Church of Saving the Trees 🌳
The Gospel According to Saint Recyclius, Patron Saint of Paper Straws
Chapter 1: Original Sin
And lo, mankind discovered paper.
And the High Priests proclaimed: "Every sheet you use is another tree sacrificed!"
The faithful wept, unaware that trees could be grown again.
Chapter 2: The Coming Apocalypse
The prophets warned: "Soon there shall be no trees!"
When informed that forests could regenerate and commercial timber was frequently grown as a renewable crop, the prophets replied:
"Silence! You are interfering with the sermon!"
Chapter 3: The Sacred Sacrifice
And the faithful abandoned paper bags for plastic bags to save the trees.
Years later, the priests declared plastic an abomination.
The faithful returned to paper bags.
And nobody mentioned the first sermon.
Chapter 4: The Holy Indulgence
For the modest price of $4.99, the faithful could purchase a reusable shopping bag bearing the sacred inscription:
"I Am Saving the Planet."
Whether the bag was ever reused was irrelevant.
The purchase itself constituted absolution.
Chapter 5: The Heresy of Forestry
A heretic approached the altar and declared:
"Your Holiness, couldn't we harvest trees sustainably and plant new ones?"
The High Priest gasped.
"Are you suggesting trees are a renewable resource?"
"Yes, Your Holiness."
"GUARDS!"
Chapter 6: The Sacred Scripture
And the prophet proclaimed:
"Thou shalt not print an email, for each page brings the forests closer to extinction."
The faithful nodded solemnly while ordering seventeen cardboard boxes from Amazon.
Chapter 7: Salvation
And the faithful were promised eternal ecological salvation through three sacred commandments:
- Thou shalt recycle thy paper.
- Thou shalt purchase products displaying a green leaf.
- Thou shalt never inquire whether the environmental benefit has actually been measured.
The Final Revelation
And the forestry scientist spoke:
"Your Holiness, sustainable forestry is real, and the world has not run out of trees."
The High Priest replied:
"Then why have we been collecting donations for forty years?"
And there was silence throughout the congregation.
Amen. And may your carbon footprint be forgiven. 🌳😂