WASHINGTON—In another dramatic twist in the ongoing scandal involving the late sex trafficker, Jeffrey Epstein and his bestie friend, Donald Trump, a Gold Level Frequent Flyer on Epstein’s Pervert Airlines, the Trump has hired the LDS Church to handle Public Relations for the Epstein scandal.
In a statement announcing the move, Trump, a registered sex offender, said, “The Jeffrey Epstein scandal just won’t kill itself, so again, I’m going to have to turn to professionals to get it done right”. Trump bragged that his new Mormon Church PR Firm is the best in the flesh business, citing decades of experience successfully hiding pedophilia, promoting pedophiles to Bishop and other leadership positions, and providing a safe haven for pedophile practices, Trump stated, “Hey, their founder married a 14-year old, these guys have been promoting pedophilia from the very beginning, we are talking big experience, huge experience, nobody ever saw such breadth and depth of pedophile experience. “
The administration reiterated their formal position saying, “The so called “Epstein files” don’t exist, Trump is not named in them, the Democrats created them, they have been edited by Subway Jared, and contain a forward by actor Kevin Spacey, with original artwork by Donald Trump.” The Mormon PR Team is the best in the pedo business, they should resolve this matter, post haste.
When reached for comment, US Attorney General Pam Bondi said, “What files? Oh, I threw those out.”
Special Spokesperson for Sordid Affairs, Alan Dershowitz stated, “If you were surprised that Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide, imagine how surprised he must have been.”
Trump closed the press conference by distributing a list of references to show that nobody in the Pedo business has a better track record than the LDS Team.
