Hey what's up SatanLucy it's God. I've hijacked this RealMcDonalds account to talk to you. Just letting you know I'm gonna take a hike for a bit and let you handle things here on Earth. I'm gonna go start another universe and this time I'll let them eat the fucking fruit. I'm still angry about that by the way. How would you like it if you saved a bunch of extra special fresh fruit in your fridge and then some fucking snake comes by convinces these two half-formed primates to eat it? Fucking sucks man. I know I could make more fruit but it's the fucking principle of the thing, isn't it? If you waited maybe I'd share it with you but you were so fucking impatient. I was going to turn it into an apple crumble.
Anyway I'll give you some secrets of the universe before I give this account back to the poor fucking intern running it:
1) AI slop is real: it's actually showing things that are happening in hell.
2) The Illuminati exists but it's just 2 guys who meet up in a Texas Roadhouse and decide how the economy is going to go and which Hollywood celebrity is going to be sacrificed to Satan.
3) Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert are actually the drag personas of 2 gay twinks who decided to run for Congress as a joke but it got way out of hand.
4) Trump and Putin are furries, but their fursuits are their human skins.
5) I asked Mary to put Jesus up for adoption.
6) My dick is the size of the cosmos.
7) Technically, because I, God, invented everyone and everything; I, by the transitive property, am on the Epstein client list.
8) Joe Rogan spontaneously generated from the ether when a college frat douche, a middle aged Italian-American, and Rob Schneider rubbed shoulders while trying to get past each other in a narrow hallway.
9) Bush didn't do 9/11 but he did cause Covid-19.
10) Moses wrote me to look less cool than I actually am.
Peace out fuckos,
God