DEAR RED STATES… WE’RE LEAVING

Started by linate

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#1 •••

DEAR RED STATES… WE’RE LEAVING


Dear Red States,


We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. That includes Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, California, New Mexico, Colorado, Illinois, Minnesota, Virginia, most of the Northeast, and our favorite swing-flirts like Michigan and Pennsylvania when they behave.


We’ll call ourselves The United States of Sanity. You can keep Mar-a-Lago.


Here’s the split:

• We get stem-cell research. You get stemware from Branson gift shops.

• We get the Statue of Liberty. You get the world’s largest ball of twine.

• We get Apple, Microsoft, Google, and you get MyPillow.

• We get Hollywood. You get Duck Dynasty reruns.


Resources:

• We control most of the venture capital, the Ivy League, the West Coast tech corridor, the Great Lakes (about 84% of North America’s surface fresh water), and 95% of U.S. wine production.

• You get coal, cattle, and almost all the tornadoes.

• Pineapples? Hawaii. Lettuce? California. Cheese? Sorry, Wisconsin votes blue more often than not, so it’s coming with us.


Taxes and money:

• On average, blue states send more to Washington than they get back. Red states take in more federal dollars than they pay. So when we “split the check,” you’ll be picking up your own tab for the first time in decades. Good luck with that.


Culture:

• Blue states have lower divorce rates and higher life expectancy. Red states have more churches per square mile, but somehow not more stable marriages.

• In recent polls, around 40% of Republicans still doubt evolution, and a stubborn minority think Saddam helped with 9/11. Y’all can keep those history books.

• We get Broadway. You get Branson, which is kind of Broadway if it ran on casseroles and Precious Moments figurines.


Weather:

• Hurricanes? You’ll still get clobbered in Florida and Texas.

• Mosquitoes? Honestly, they’re bipartisan — but they seem happier in your humidity.


Final terms:

We’ll take science, wine, and Wi-Fi. You can keep Duck Commander, Cracker Barrel, and whatever Tucker Carlson is selling this week.


Peace out,

—The Blue States 🥂💻🌊

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#2 •••

When AI replaces all the woke managerial white collar jobs in Blue States, I hope they all "learn to coal" to feed the AI electricity demand.

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#3 •••
@linate

LOL, what a great post, well done Sir.


BTW, what's the policy on immigration? I live in Georgia, but I'm coming with you guys, is borden crossing just a matter of buying a house in Colorado and moving?


Once all the immigrants from the Red States are in, we will need to secure the borders. When the Red States send their people, they won't be sending their best. They'll be sending people that have lots of problems, and they'll be bringing those problems with them. They’ll be bringing guns. They’ll be bringing pick-up trucks. They’re racists. And some, I assume, are good people.


We should build a wall. and the Red States will pay for it with the federal money we don't have to give them anymore.


Build the wall, build the wall, build the wall.



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#4 •••
@Sidewalker

Just impose a MAGA tariff.

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#5 •••
@Shoresy
Just impose a MAGA tariff.


Don't need a tariff, there will be a 100% MAGA ban, and MAGA affiliation will be classified as illegal aliens. It will be necessary to send paramilitary groups in masks to the trailer parks, rural bars, NASCAR venues, and all known fishing spots to arrest and deport illegal MAGA aliens.



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#6 •••
@linate

K bye.


Next thread, I want to see you understand the difference between a state, and a person living in said state (and apply the newfound knowledge to your thread). It’s become relevant again and you’re 0-2.

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I still don’t know what to type!

#7 •••

I'd actually rather Oregon was more Conservative I think.

In some ways.

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#8 •••
@Leaning

Notwithstanding that your comment was to say the least, a tad indecisive.



Conservative is as conservative does.


Whereas stupid is as stupid does.


And sometimes conservatism is liberally stupid and liberalism is sometimes conservatively stupid.


Attempting to rationalise the USA as blue or red crosses in a box or under a hat, is like erecting a sign which stipulates that Bears should not cross an imaginary and infinitely narrow line.



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#9 •••
@SergeantLynch

People have different values, cultures, and traditions.

I'm tribal and clan inclined myself.


I'm not a huge fan of change.


Arguably people 'do group up according to values, to a degree.

. . .


Well, a bear can't read a sign, but people can.

Society and technology can be manipulated in various ways to enforce borders.


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#10 •••
@Leaning

In terms of popular vote, all states are a shade of purple.


And in terms of culture, there is one big one or millions of little ones.


You can choose your preferred bits.


And Bears shit in the woods wherever they are.

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#11 •••
@linate

Just remember Canada doesn’t want an increase in border crossings.

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#12 •••
@linate

Disney, Hollywood etc are a vioe Satanic cultish group that dedicate to waste our life and distract us from what really matters.


They can rot in Hell for all I care. 🫡

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#13 •••
@GreatfulGoy

And Bill Gates basically stole billions of dollars in American government subsidies for green energy, only to come out recently and say "whoops, climate change isn't as important as other things"


They can keep that kind of "progress"

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#14 •••
@linate

Too bad some are not endowed with sufficient experience to know that blue state/red state is a myth, because there is not one single state that has been consistently one color of the other. None of them; they all swap colors. Oops.

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We tell God what to do and then blame Him for our errors.

- Dr. Pet Dragon of Sorbonne University

#15 •••
@fauxlaw

Not to mention parties drastically change ideologies like airport religions. I've heard it said many times that Trump is just a 90's Democrat, and today's American Democrat is all over the place wherever the wind takes them. Performative theater as a policy attracts fair-weather voters, and you never know when that snake might snack on the tail. Say what you will about Mamdani, but he channelled that 90's Democrat "I feel your pain" energy. It's the same energy that got Trump elected.

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#16 •••
@Mag1cman

you might be right that democrats are more likely to be on welfare in red states, i haven't fact checked it, but it's only a marginal difference between republicans on welfare in those states. also, it's still telling that red states either way cant do enough to support the people on welfare and need to be subsidized by blue states.

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#17 •••
@linate

If you are using corporate welfare like Obamacare, farm subsidies, and Snap, it will never be enough for any color state. Purple welfare isn't sustainable. The issue isn’t generosity. The issue is poor design. Federal subsidies to corporations might keep people and industries afloat in the short term, but they also discourage states and individuals from becoming efficient. Whether you call it welfare for farmers, welfare for insurance companies, or welfare for families, it all bleeds the same color: royal purple, where corporate driven feudalism is making a strong comeback.

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#18 •••

The statement that "welfare in America is growing as more depend on it" is a complex issue without a simple yes or no answer; however, the US welfare system has seen a significant shift from cash-based assistance to in-kind and work-conditioned programs

. While the number of people relying on welfare may fluctuate, it is more accurate to say that the composition and nature of welfare have changed, with a greater focus on programs that provide benefits like food assistance and healthcare to those who work, such as through the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC). 

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#19 •••
welfare in America is growing as more depend on it


Why would you ask AI such a ridiculous thing?

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#20 •••

Here is a public analysis.

Buying Americans out of poverty is undermining incentives to work, with families living in poverty relying more on taxpayer-funded welfare checks than income from work, according to a newly released report from the Congressional Budget Office (CBO). Costing well over $1 trillion, America’s social safety net encompasses more than 80 federal programs, and is discouraging beneficiaries from seeking income from work.

The report, which was requested by Ways and Means Committee Chairman Jason Smith (MO-08), shows low-income families are becoming increasingly dependent on government transfers. In 1979, families living below the poverty line earned about 60 percent of their income from work. In 2021, that number dropped to an all-time low of around 25 percent. The report also shows how the dramatic increase in dependency on government transfers for low-income families was accelerated by COVID-era benefits.

Chairman Smith issued the following statement in response to CBO’s analysis:


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#21 •••
@linate

If you divorce, then you'll have to pay alimony.

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#22 •••
@Debby

Yes, why do poor people even want to live? I bet you look like Bill Belichick's girlfriend.


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#23 •••
@FLRW

They look happy together. We do have the same body type, we are both slim.

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#24 •••
@Debby, @SergeantLynch


Yes and I look somewhat like Bill.

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#25 •••
@FLRW

Old.

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#26 •••
@Debby

Why wouldn't they look happy.


He's getting what he wants and she's getting what she wants.


And they both pay an acceptable price for what they want.


I'm guessing that she doesn't have to do much cooking and cleaning.

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#27 •••
⚠️ This comment has been marked as offensive.

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#28 •••
@wylted

Where is the list we have to pick from?

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#29 •••
@Debby
⚠️ This comment has been marked as offensive.

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#30 •••

quiet, piggy

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